light of her world
by Mai Sode no Shirayuki
Summary: he was like the sun, a flaming mass of brightness that everyone seemed to gravitate towards. How could she compete with that?


a/n: So here's a new one! Hope you enjoy! It's gonna be a two shot, look for the next chapter sometime next week.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach or any of its characters.

**XxXxXxX**

Rukia was mad. No. That was an understatement. She was freaking _furious!_ Furious at the world, furious at gotei 13, furious at the sou-taichou. But most of all, she was furious at...herself.

Under the blinding fury that coursed through her body, sending her reiatsu into a fritz, there was only guilt. Shame at the reason she was so furious.

As she got further away from the meeting room she had just stormed out of, the guilt quickly overrode the rage, and Rukia could feel a telltale stinging behind her narrowed eyelids. She managed to blink away the irritating moisture (she _refused_ to call it 'tears' because Kuchiki Rukia _did not_ cry!), before it escaped her violet orbs.

She needed to be alone, and there was only one place in the Kuchiki mansion where privacy was absolute. Her nii-sama's private garden. Rukia rushed through the house on soundless feet, praying that she would encounter no one, most of all one of the Kuchiki elders. They would love to see her in the state she was in now.

As she sank to the grass under a large Sakura tree, Rukia finally allowed the moisture to leak from beneath her closed eyelids. Between the tears, Rukia released a few chuckles.

Really, she was so stupid! She should be happy! The man she loved was being given such an honour, was being offered the position of captain! He definitely deserved it after all he had done for soul society. Plus, it allowed him to live in soul society permanently! She would get to see him everyday, rather than the stolen days in between assignments they had been surviving on!

Her head was supplying her with all of these logical reasons as to why she should be ecstatic at the news she had just received. So then, why was her heart wallowing in deep anguish and rage at the thought of Ichigo in a captain's haori?

A small voice spoke quietly within her mind.  
_You know why Rukia-chan. You're jealous! Jealous because that orange-haired imbecile came into your life and stole everything from you!_  
The voice seemed to say viciously.

Rukia's eyes widened in shock. That was exactly it! She was _ jealous_ of her tall, amber-eyed lover. Jealous and angry. Angry that he had accomplished in a few short months what she had been unable to her whole life! In such a short span of time Ichigo was being offered the position of a captain of gotei 13, while she was still just an ordinary shinigami!

He hadn't even attended the academy! Hell, he wasn't even dead! If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't even have shinigami powers! And yet, he had surpassed her so much!

She had worked her ass off for years in the academy just to pass the shinigami exams. Even after she was appointed to a squad, she had to train every day! Ichigo went through a week of training at most, and he had the abilities surpassing that of most captains! The idiot had achieved bankai in a week, something Rukia was still unable to do, even after more than 50 years of being a shinigami!

A fresh wave of tears flooded the petite woman's eyes as rage and guilt coursed through her. A small part of her screamed at how stupid she was being. How could she be so petty? To sink so low as to be jealous of the abilities of the man she loved! Abilities that had saved her home, and all she held dear!

But a louder voice drowned that one out fast enough. How dare he use the opportunity she gave him to bask in the spotlight here in soul society, while she watched from the sidelines? Next to that flame-headed baka, she was almost unnoticeable!

And with that thought, Rukia's rage quickly faded in all its intensity, leaving her with the guilt and a hollow feeling that she couldn't quite name. It was true. Next to Kurosaki Ichigo, saviour of soul society and general all round hero, who would notice her, little Kuchiki Rukia? She was virtually a nobody compared to her orange-haired lover! He was already a celebrity her in soul society. Every where he went, people gushed about his incredible skill. And he had built up quite a fan club of women swooning about his incredible good looks and musculature. And the truth was, he deserved all the compliments they heaped on him. He was like the sun, a flaming mass of brightness that everyone seemed to gravitate towards.

All people knew _her_ as was the incredibly short sister of Kuchiki Byakuya. Even her black hair seemed to dull in comparison to Ichigo's bright orange locks. She was finally realizing why they received such strange looks every time they mentioned they were a couple! They were so mismatched!

So far from the ideal, perfect couple. She would never be able to catch up with him, never be able to reach his level! She was too ordinary, too short, too _flat-chested_! He would always be in the spotlight, and she in the shadows. Ichigo needed someone who could stand at his side, someone to be his equal! Someone with bigger boobs at least!

By now the tears were flowing uncontrollably down her face. And if she was realizing this now, it wouldn't be long before Ichigo himself came to the very same conclusions! The least she could do was to save her dignity and end their illogical relationship before he left her for someone else. It would hurt, but she wasn't a Kuchiki for nothing. She would put on her blank facade, and carry on with life. She would pretend not to break when Ichigo found someone new, someone better. She would do what she had to, to save face.

Wiping her eyes, she stood up. She didn't think she had the courage to face him. Not now, probably not anytime soon. So, she would take the cowardly way out and write him a letter. She grimly set her jaw in determination and made her way toward the door. But before she could reach it, the screen door slid open.

And Ichigo strode in, his eyes immediately focusing on her intently, more specifically her red-rimmed eyes.

_Damn!_ She thought. _At least I'm not crying anymore._

Ichigo strode right up to her, until they were almost toe to toe. Rukia refused to meet his eyes, focusing on his sandals instead.  
"Rukia" he intoned in his deep voice.  
Still, she refused to lift her gaze, so he reached out and tilted her chin upward, until her violet orbs locked onto his amber ones.

"Rukia. I'm going to refuse the captain's position. I thought I should tell you first." He said calmly.

Rukia's eyes widened. She was amazed that he knew why she was so upset. Amazed that he knew her so well. But once again the emotion that coursed through her body was guilt. _look at that,_ her mind seemed to tell her,_ you're even holding him back!_

He was restricting himself for something as stupid as her pride. It only served to confirm her previous conclusion. He was too good for her. She didn't deserve him.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, forcing her body into a calm state. She had made her decision. A logical and rational one. The path she was about to choose would come to pass sooner or later, whether she initiated it or not. It was inevitable. She just had to accept that.

Rukia opened her eyes to see Ichigo staring at her with such concern that her heart broke right there and then. But she steeled herself.

"No Ichigo. You should take the position. It's a great opportunity. And you are very suited for the job." She spoke as evenly and calmly as she could manage.

Ichigo blinked at her.

"You don't have to force yourself Rukia. I know how you feel about this." He said slowly. "Your feelings mean more to me than a stupid captain's position."

Rukia smiled slightly. "For now." She said cryptically.  
Then, keeping her eyes carefully blank, she spoke again.

"This isn't working out Ichigo. We're too different, too mismatched. It was an illogical decision from the start. I think we should end this."

Ichigo's eyes widened.

"End this? End what? What are you talking about? Rukia! If this is about the captain thing, I already told you-"

Rukia stopped him with a raised hand.

"It's not about that Ichigo. We just don't fit together. It's too hard to make this relationship work. You can see it in everyone's eyes when they hear we're a couple!"

"I don't care what they think!" he interjected fiercely, his amber orbs glaring so intensely, she was forced to look away.

"But I do Ichigo. And it's not just them. I feel it too! Our personalities are just too different, the distance too great. We were never meant to be a couple Ichigo. Can't you feel it? You deserve someone else..."

Ichigo seemed to be in a state of shock. The man wasn't even blinking! Rukia sighed. She had said all that she had to say. It was best to make a clean break now, while he was incapacitated.

"I'll have someone show you out." Rukia said softly as she strode past him. She stopped with one hand on the door, but kept her gaze forward. She was determined not to look back.

"Good luck in your new position...Kurosaki-taichou"

If she had glanced back at that moment, she would have seen how violently the orange-haired man flinched when she addressed him by his title.

**XxXxXxX**

Please leave a review and tell me what you thought! :) And don't worry, chapter 2 will be embarrassingly fluff-filled to make up for this semi-angsty first chapter!


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